and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize