I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
