ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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