i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize