good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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