I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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