i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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