Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where is the hickey?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize