OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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