He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
