omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
