love makes seman taste better
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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