i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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