i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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