If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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