Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
