I smell stomach acid.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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