even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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