did you get engaged???
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
