I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
