id be glad to
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
