It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
