you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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