It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize