and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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