Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Shame is for Republicans.
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