I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
