i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
