It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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