Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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