Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
