Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
