Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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