ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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