Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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