I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
