direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
