i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
