i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
