for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
