So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
