She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
