She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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