do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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