I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
