I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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