Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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