Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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