Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
