hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
