I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
