i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
