he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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