Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
