she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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