Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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