where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
