garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
