hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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