If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
