If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
