its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
