just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
