Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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