I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
