Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
