I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
