I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
