It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
